The Rise and Fall

There’s always been some underlying issues. Always, but only recently was there a diagnosis that provided clarity to help us start to deal with them. Unfortunately, shortly after the diagnosis and switch in medication, he decided, in his words, he was in a marriage that he never would have entered had he not been mentally ill when it started, and he just didn’t want to be in it anymore. I kept praying that it was the shock of the diagnosis talking but he truly believes all these things fully and moved out, started a new life, and is trying to get a divorce ASAP. I mean, this all happened within a matter of a few weeks. We were filling out applications to move into apartments on the 14th of September, and days later, he was done, just done.

I’ve tried to come up with all the reasons this should have happened to me. I’ve surely not been perfect but was this really what I deserved? I don’t think so but only One has the true answers so I may never know. What did I do that was so bad that my life has to be ruined in this way? Why does he get to just move on like none of this happened? Is this the mental illness talking now or was it really the mental illness during our marriage? He says he loves me and he cares and just wants the best for me but I still feel that he IS what is best for me. Our lives came together and just fit like nothing I’ve ever seen before. We had so many challenges and we always made it through together, and better, on the other side…things were just working out for us in so many ways, and now this. Why me, God? Why me?