In a world full of hate, be love.

Now Entering Anger

Well, I felt a shift over the last few days. I’m still sad but I’m becoming more and more angry about the situation. Like, for real, is this my life now?

I sent him a text message the other day, letting him know how pissed off and angry I was. And he called me because he thought maybe I wanted to talk. No, I want you to always know how effed up this whole thing is for me.

He stopped over yesterday to see the kids. I had asked him to get his stuff out of the house but he said he’d come back this weekend and do that. Anyway, I didn’t let the kids know but I told him to make it count when he said goodbye because I need this to be over and done with. The girls are likely confused over seeing him and I’m just upset about everything so I would like to start healing and they can start to heal also. He says he is sorry over and over again. Asking what can make this easier. There’s no EASIER in this. He got up and walked out on HIS FAMILY!!! The girls who love and adore their DAD, the wife who tried her hardest…you just left. I was expecting him to say something meaningful to them or to hold them a little longer or something but he just treated it like he would see them again, no big deal. He says it’s been 20 years of struggle and he’s just now realizing how his actions affect others. No, you will not blame what you did on being Bipolar and having Borderline Personality Disorder. I do NOT accept. You made promises. You promised to honor your word. You just don’t care to do it and that completely and totally pisses me off. So much, I can’t even with the BS, I just can’t. He just left, how could he do that to me?
I don’t plan on seeing him again after this week. Divorces in VA require a 6-month separation and after that, you can just drop off paperwork and be done so I don’t believe we will ever need to actually see each other again and right now, that works for me. He kind of walked over to me like I was supposed to give him a hug or something but I’m just done. Like, my heart hurts so incredibly much. How can he just set fire to all of this with no sense of loyalty or anything. Like, why? How do you promise someone forever and then just get up and leave?
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