In a world full of hate, be love.

It’s Only Been 48 Days!!!!!!!!

I saw my husband 5 out of 7 days last week. We met for lunch with the kids on Sunday. Tuesday, we met to sign the Separation Agreement but then we didn’t do it cause it seemed we just couldn’t do it. We wanted to talk and we wanted to share time and space. And then he kissed me and it felt right. Thursday, we had lunch together. And he kissed me some more, and I felt that love and passion that I have always felt with my husband. Friday, we finally got the Separation Agreement signed after quite an ordeal that involved him walking up to the doors, supposedly freaking out and running and jumping in his car and leaving! But he came back but boy, that was a mess. And finally Saturday, we had breakfast together and walked around Target for a bit. And a few more kisses. And some special moments. And I almost, almost believed just maybe, he was starting to finally see where he belongs. I decided not to text him first on Sunday. I was prepared to just not hear from him. And then he texts me, apologizing for failing as a husband and a father.

He sent me a good luck message before work on Monday. And he was the first one to call me when I got off…saying he had been waiting all day for work to end to see how it went. Then, the conversation about what if I move back home, what if we stay together, blah blah blah…I was so excited to talk to you about your first day at work. I don’t know what all this means…I’ll never be happy again….My life is meaningless…my path is wrong…

And today he says, well, “I was just trying to live a fantasy by kissing you but when I look at you, I just feel sad cause I know it’s over.”

You know, I’m just so mad at myself. Me thinking, we just needed some time apart and now we get back together…and yet, he’s made plans with another woman to move to freaking Vegas….I mean, holy cray y’all….he’s been gone for 7 weeks. That’s it. Only 48 damn days….OMG!!

He met with the pastor of the church but it seems he wasn’t able to talk any sense into him. Whatever…I’m over it…

I think…

I’m trying to be…

Really, really hard!

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