In a world full of hate, be love.

And Now This…

He’s moving. Moving to Huntsville, AL. Almost 700 miles away.

And I get no say in this. What I feel doesn’t matter. What I want doesn’t matter. Our marriage doesn’t matter. He’s just running away and I’m here. And I don’t know what to do.

We have spent so much time together since I last wrote here, but also, so much time apart over the last few weeks. He’s been to my apartment, I’ve been to his. We’ve shared meals together, chatted on the phone for hours, shared love, shared ourselves…I thought we were just trying to find solid ground. I thought he’d see how much he loved me and we’d just work out. I just prayed so hard and I just knew the prayers were slowly, but surely coming true.
I don’t know what to do. I mean, I’m so sad, and afraid, and feeling so rejected and alone. We moved to VA two years ago, and now, he’s leaving me and moving on with his life…how is this happening? And why is it happening to me? How can all the prayers and all the wishes and all the hoping lead to this? Even though I’ve had to make some adjustments and quick changes and moves, I just figured it was going to work out between us. Why won’t this work out? Why is my marriage breaking? Why is this what I deserve?
I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I knew loving and being with Peter wouldn’t be easy. But I promised forever, and I meant it. I meant in sickness and in health. I meant for richer and poorer. I meant until death departs us. I meant hills and valley and ups and downs and joy and sadness and everything that could happen in a marriage. I meant FOREVER and I knew, when I looked into his eyes, I know he meant it to. I was never going to give up on him. But then, he gave up on me. And while I know some of this is all the mental sewage that swirls around in his head, it doesn’t hurt any less. It doesn’t make me feel better in any way about what is happening. Why doesn’t he want to be around the one person who is never going to give up on him? The one person who knows what he has done and would never judge him? The person who he can unload all of this emotions and feeling to? I know for sure no one else knows that stuff he has going on, I believe him when he says he isn’t telling everyone the truth. So, why can’t he just be with me? Why did that birthday wish come true if this is what was going to happen? We haven’t been married long enough to go through this. We didn’t even get to experience much together at all. Why isn’t my forever going to last? Why?
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