Day 10
Today was rough. Very rough for me. But him, he just makes it all seem so simple. He took everything I threw at him today and he caught it, wrapped it with love and kindness, and gently handed it back to me.
He met the BFF today after she had voiced her many concerns earlier in the day. Our chat was very trying on my heart, on my soul. I was deeply bothered and it’s not because she doesn’t love me, because she does. It’s because that love she has for me is a love she expects the man I am with to also have for me.
I was hurt most of the day…very sad and disappointed. But he was so hopeful and full of happy thoughts and excitement and calm. Seeing him this evening eased my heart and mind and I fell in love with him again and again during dinner.
He’s been working hard and needed rest and to take care of some things. We didn’t get much time together today but I know Thursday will be here and we will spend time together soon.
A stupid meme just popped up on FB about people committing to marriage in less time that a sweater had been worn…it was dumb. But the responses were EVERYTHING I need to see right now. I wish he was up, I would send him pictures. People saying their parents or themselves had been together mere months before their marriages…..9 years, 20 years, 35 years…..met at Thanksgiving, engaged by Christmas, married by Easter.
That’s promising. That’s making me smile. Oh, I love that man….
9/9 @6:43a
P – Good morning!
Z – Good morning!
P – Ready when you are 🙂
@9:02a
P – I love you Z. You are the one. No doubts. Look at all we’ve done in 10 days. We fit so well together.
Z – I love you so much.
@11:00a
P – How much data do you use on your phone? ATT right?
Z – I mean normally, we are at home and connected to the Internet….use less than 3 gigs or whatever those things are
P – OK. I see that we can have att for internet at home so seeing what kind of deal we can get on a plan for cell and web
Z – Our family plan right now is for 15 gigs
Z – We don’t go over
P – Just got off the phone with my sister. Do you have a picture of all of us you could text me. She is very excited for us and wants to show off her soon to be sister and nieces at work…lol
Z – Lol
Z – I don’t have one of all of us…
Z – *insert photo from McD’s with Peter, Nyala and Zee
Z – Got 3
P – How about you and the girls?
P – 🙂
P – I remember that day like it was last week.
Z – Lol
Z – *inserts girls + Zee Chipotle picnic pic
P – Thank you
P – Oh Z. Do you have any idea just how much I love you and your girls. I am so incredibly happy.
Z – 🙂
Z – I’m nervous about the house…but your messages make me so happy. You are always thinking of me when I am thinking of you!
P – What are you nervous about?
P – I am nervous too. It will be a big change, but if we stick together it will be OK.
P – I am not trying to pressure you into moving faster than you want to. I just want to let you know that I am completely committed to you and to building a life together
Z – So was just told you could be a pedophile, we should slow down, what’s the rush, why would you want to be with a women and her kids so fast…
Z – But that wasn’t even what I was nervous about
Z – I don’t have the greatest track record with guys, I should take some time away from you, it’s too much for the girls
Z – My phone is about to die, text you when I get back to the car…
P – Is that what you are nervous about?
Z – No, all that is what I was just told…
Z – I just want to cry
P – That sounds like a rough conversation.
Z – Apparently there is something so wrong with me that no one could really love me
P – I am ALWAYS here for you!
P – You are the greatest woman I have met. So great that I have no doubts.
Z – And you’re a creep with hidden motives cause no one normal would want all this so fast
P – Wow. Ugh…
P – Will we be dining with this person by chance?
Z – No, we’re supposed to meet up with her afterwards…
P – Oh.. OK. Well no worries. I can handle it. I get interrogated at work on a monthly basis…lol
P – *inserts pic of nephews
P – *inserts pic of sister/dad
P – *inserts pic of sister/nephews
Z – I feel so stupid now…
P – Why
P – I feel sorry for this person…We see the world as we see ourselves.
Z – Is that your dad with your sister?
Z – I don’t know what to think anymore…
Z – You shouldn’t want me until I can take care of myself…we shouldn’t be together until we are equals…
P – It is my dad and sister and nephews
Z – Well she want to come to dinner now
Z – Wants
Z – If you still want to hang out tonight…
P – That’s OK.
P – Would love to see you tonight
P – And…We ar equals in every way. Just because we are different doesn’t mean we aren’t equal. We each have unique amd important talents to contribute. But most importantly the tie that binds is love.
@2:51p
P – Just talked to my dad. He was very happy. I thought he might be concerned about something, but no nothing like that at all.
Z – I’m not having such a good day with all this…I’m sorry
Z – We aren’t equal…we are two people at very differing stages in our lives…
Z – And right now, I just am full of doubts and all the fear I knew would eventually come
P – I totally respect your feelings. Dont be sorry for them. I am glad you are telling me what you are thinking. My feeling is that we each just have different areas of our life that are more developed. I have a lot of fears about this too. Afraid that I am not good enough and that you are settling etc. I am full of doubts until I remember that it’s not just anyone I am with. It is you. If that makes any sense.
Z – I feel great about us until someone triggers the doubt. I will feel better when I see you…
P – I understand that. It’s a lot. I always feel better when I remember its you that I am doing this with and how much I love and respect you. Just getting out o work. What’s the plan?
Z – Just come pick us up if that is ok
Z – Just me and one little
P – OK. Heading out now
@8:12p
P – Wish I could have spent more time with you today. All I want to do is hold you in my arms…
Z – I know….me too…
Z – I just want to be near you…
P – So…What is your ring size. Just curious that’s all 😉 no reason in particular…
Z – 7
P – Sweet dreams Z. I love you and am thinking of you tonight and always.
Z – I love you too Peter…miss you so much!
@9:21p
P – Not even close to being tired…I know you don’t want to change your name. Would it be weird if I changed mine? I think it would be awesome if we all had the same last name. I am sure there are reasons you haven’t changed the girls names, but even if you and I shared that it would be nice
Z – He has to sign off on the girls name change. And I’ll be honest, if I could have it my way, I would prefer he not be involved and sign over his rights. He’s an awful father, he won’t do what he should and you are going to be the male figure in their lives at this point. He loves to show off pictures of ll 6 kids but actually being responsible for them is a different story
Z – I would change my name for you…I’d just add it…
Z – Everyone would address me as Brown anyway
P – I wish he had been a better father. How could anyone not love those girls. We can talk about the last name question. Honestly I would change mine to Agbo if it meant we could all be the same. I look like an Agbo anyway…right?
Z – Lol, you look just like an Agbo!
Z – I did start teaching Anaya her name to be E**** Agbo…
Z – I’m so thankful to have found you.
P – Iim thankful to
P – Too
P – Http://m.sevenreflections.com/name-numerology/agbo
P – I feel like my whole life has lead up to meeting you. So I could truly appreciate how rare and beautiful this is.
Z – Wow!
Z – I don’t even know how I can love you more and more each day…
Z – But each day, my heart just seems to grow
P – Mine too.
P – I found this today. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1488719
P – I feel this way about you.
Z – The whole page or a particular reading?
P – The first few
Z – We met our other half
P – It’s why we fit together so well…Because we are suppose too 🙂
Z – Our lives will be amazing…no matter what happens
Z – We will always have a deeper sense of connection than so many others because we truly belong together
P – 🙂 I just want to hold you right now.
Z – I just try to think that very soon I’ll never have to be apart from you…
Z – I love you so much…you make my life so much better…I think we will be just fine no matter what we have to go through. Our lives will blend together beautifully. We’re going to be that couple everyone else is going to want to be like…..
