So, he didn’t home home last night. Sent a message this morning letting me know he was okay and sorry.
I’d told him that if he didn’t want to be with me, all he had to do was say so. I begged him to tell me he was seeing someone else so this would make sense.
He refused to tell me he didn’t want to be with me. He denied every accusation that he was seeing someone else.
But his actions over the past few weeks were similar to the Peter of three months ago. Get off work, clean up, come pick up the girls and I or meet us out somewhere. But for the most part, he came home at night. He seemed distant but we still laid down next to each other.
He won’t tell me what is going on.
He keeps telling me it’s more complicated than I think but when I beg him to just tell me and I can handle it, he won’t. He’s sorry, his life is a mess right now….he’s not right in the head and doesn’t want me to see him like this…he has to hide and not let people see his weakness…he’s too embarrassed…he’s afraid to trust and will run when things get too real and he always has…and wants to know if I truly believe that I can love him despite whatever is going on in his life.
I promised I would and could. I promised and repeatedly promised and I tried so hard…I tried to let him know I was different and that whatever was making his life a mess was something we could fix together.
He came home that evening and said he had to leave again. He got dressed up and left. He sent me this text a few minutes later:
I am sorry I am trying to fix this all
He was home about two hours later. We curled up next to each other that night. He held me close and I loved every second.
I didn’t know it would be the last time…
