Thinking Back

Oh, I’ve had too much time to think and re-evaluate the twisted and tainted stories that were handed to me from the Peter Playbook. Some of them were so stupid, I can really hardly believe anyone would tell such stupid, stupid lies.

Let’s take the most recent one. Just hours after telling me that he doesn’t want to be a bad person anymore and that he cares about my feelings, he lies to me about doing a change of address. Like, for real, who does that.

The lying about losing his job, which prompted me to return my engagement ring because I felt bad that he wouldn’t have his full income. But that lie led to many others including a phone call he received about a co-worker trying to commit suicide. Who does that? And then, after telling me he would still help give my girls a decent Christmas and then not doing so. If I was going to seek retribution, since he continues to accuse me of thinking about doing so, it would have been then.

From the start, he told me about raising his nephews which was not true. The fact he had relationships with a few people since being in Ohio, including one he brought up here from Arizona. He took pieces and parts of other peoples lives and claimed them as his. Since breaking up, I asked him how many times he had been engaged. He told me he didn’t know.

There was no black girl he dated in high school. Seems there may have a few crazy women along the way that he forgot to mention. We had many conversations regarding our honeymoon and vacations to tropical places only able to be reached by plane yet he was afraid to fly.

I know it won’t always be easy but I’ll stand by you through it all. You are the greatest woman I have met. So great that I have no doubts. I think it would be crazy to think there was anyone better then you. I can’t wait to be your husband. How did I ever get so lucky that someone as wonderful as you would want to be my wife..wow. God has a plan. That much a know. I will never be their father, but I promise you I will love them and treat them no different than if I was. Our search is over. Now the real work can begin. As long as we believe in each other we can have an amazing life. I just want to let you know that I am completely committed to you and to building a life together. It’s why we fit together so well…Because we are suppose too 🙂 You are the most beautiful loving intelligent good natured woman I have ever met, and I’m not ever going to let you forget it 🙂

Those are all texts he sent to me at the beginning our our relationship. All things I used to believe he meant. Statements that helped me fall deeper and deeper in love with a mirage of a guy who really didn’t exist.

Hindsight is always 20/20. Don’t know when I will be ready to attempt to believe in another guy cause if someone would do all of what Peter did and it all just be a lie, there’s no telling what the next guy is going to do. Guess I’m not ready to be give anyone a chance yet. Thinking back, it’s just so crazy. So fucking crazy.