In 2014, when I made the decision to stop working, it was very, very, very difficult. I had worked since I was 16, pretty much. I didn’t know how life would look, as a single mother of two children, very little child support, living with family, very little savings. I just didn’t know what the future held. There was a delay in the plan to start school in 2014 and it was pushed off until 2015 but I still started. School started the same day that I met Peter and life for me changed.
He knew I had nothing and in many ways felt like I had nothing to give him. I asked why he thought he could deal with the baggage that came along with what this relationship would be. We talked about it extensively. Because I wanted to finish school so badly, I really had taken a step back and figured out the best way to get it done without stressing myself out and that was to not have a full time job, while raising my kids and having full-time commitments to my academics. And then he offered me this new life, this new start, this new chance to give my girls a safer, more stable environment and the promise of forever. I had it all worked out in my head. I’d be able to finish school, raise my babies, send them to decent schools in the area. The plan was set into motion because I listened to my heart and it told me I could trust this man. Oh, how wrong my stupid heart was.
And when things fell apart, actually, when he tore them apart because they didn’t just fall apart. It wasn’t like we both just grew up and started following different paths. He actually had to work to make everything fall apart. He purposely set out to ruin and sabotage this, and he did a great job of it. But when it started to decay, he actually forgot how to be human and kind and decent to me. I guess that is the part that upsets me the most. He still doesn’t see how much he messed up my life and it upsets me to the fullest that he can just go on without the stress of trying to figure out how to stand after he totally knocked me down.
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Heartless. There’s no other way to explain it than heartless. How can there be people allowed to walk the earth with such heartless intentions. How is any of this fair? I still don’t know what I did to deserve this. I get a lot of I’m sorry this happened to you or At least you found out before you got married or things along that sort but I still can’t figure out why me?
I must be having a bad day…I was trying to be positive today but something triggered this hurt and pain and I just can’t wash it away as easily as I wanted to.
I hate him for making me dwell on this…I wish he’d never entered my life if he could cause this much damage in just 5 months…..