Hey, how have you been? Me, well, most days are getting better…I’ve got so much going on and meeting new people and trying to stay busy. And then today happened. Not one thing in particular but a series of things that set off a flurry of emotions and, well, I fell apart and came together only to fall apart again.
It.Sucked.
I don’t do well with feeling as though I was thrown away as easily as the wrapper of a stick of gum. I mean, no one deserves this and certainly not someone who was supposed to be a wife and was willing to do whatever it took, but alas, here I am wondering how could I have been so wrong. So stupid. So dumb.
So, my heart continues to heal but every once in a while, little stress fractures pop up and remind me of what should be happening. Invitations would have gone out, RSVP’s coming back in. Tastings and fun preparations. We might have gone on weekend trip and had family photos. The shelter I cancelled is still open for our date, 4/9/2016. All the things we would have done in the last two months that we’ve been broken up, I think about them less and less but still too often.
And then, tonight, my friend posted this:
…and I started crying all over again because I need to jump…and I know he is pulling me through it but some days, they are just hard.
So, I told the girls we were going to start saying our prayers tonight, I explained to Anaya that prayers are when we talk to God. She knows a little about God because she attends a program weekly that teaches her a bit. She said, “We went with Peter and talked to God.” I was like, yeah, we went to church with Peter a few times and talked to God but I was a little shocked by that statement as the girls and I have been to church a few times since he left and I didn’t understand how she made the connection. Then, Anaya said she was thankful for me, her sister, and Peter. And I looked at her, a little more shocked because I don’t know where this is coming from. But then, she says, “Mom, can I call Peter? I want to talk to him and tell him about what’s going on.” I told her he was probably sleep but my heart broke a little. She didn’t even say she was thankful for her dad, she was thankful for him and yet…it was just painful for me. And I know she doesn’t even understand and her thoughts are pure and beautiful. Kids…
Well, I better get back to my studies, it will be a long night but I’m praying joy will come in the morning.
