He packed up some stuff today. It’s all just strange anymore. He seems excited to be getting a small one bedroom house somewhere. He packed up a few crates, did some laundry and hit the road.
He continues to say he is sorry. But I don’t know anymore what exactly he is sorry for. So much happened over the course of our relationship. I know he feels bad when he comes here and has to see my face but what does sorry mean anymore. Sorry for what exactly? There’s no point in being sorry. You don’t want to be here anymore. You don’t want to be in this house with me. You don’t want to fulfill the promises. You changed, never wanted it, or whatever. So own it. Don’t come in this house moping around and sad faced, this is exactly what you wanted. I should be the sad one. I should be the one moping around. I’m the one who actually believed I found my forever but you knew I was only your three-four month stint. You knew and I didn’t so I should be the one with sad eyes and hunched over shoulders. I should be the one, but I’m not anymore. I’m dealing. I’m learning to stand on my own and have fun.
Eh, either way….my pain of seeing him a few times a week is going to end very soon and he will be able to act like none of this ever happened and the hole in my heart will slowly start to heal.
