Well, I guess he isn’t leaving this weekend.
I mean, why can’t he just have a simple and honest conversation about anything. Why all these lies. It makes no sense at all. He got home, took his shower, and was headed out the door when I asked about him moving this weekend and he was Mr. Asshole again. Our talk this afternoon didn’t last more than three minutes but grrrr….so aggravating. And then after he leaves:
P – All this is just too hard. im sorry Z
Z – What are you talking about?
P – Im sorry for all of this
Z – I don’t really think you are but none of that matters. I’m the one who can’t just pretend it never happened and already have a new life but okay, it’s hard for you.
Z – Have a good evening.
What was he apologizing for now? For being a dick? For the way he responds when I ask simple things? For what?
I was so in love with him.
And I actually felt like he was in love with me and that is what hurts so much. He would look at me and say, “This is the first time I’ve ever known that someone loves me just as much as I love them.” Or, “No doubt Z, you are the one.” I believed it and felt the same way and now, I mean nothing. At one point during all this, I just simply asked, “Why me?” Why did he choose me to play this game with. “Cause you were the best I could find.” So you were searching for the best woman you could find just to ruin her? Why would that type of evil fall into my life? What had I done to deserve any of this.
I’ll pray again. I’ll write messages of love and understanding and post them around the house so that I’m reminded of the good in life. I know there is a plan and I know it’s so much bigger than what I can see now and I will figure it out eventually. I know there’s a plan. I just am not sure why this speed bump had to happen along the way.
