I know, there is no explanation, truly, for what happened. Not in this relationship, not in my marriage or the relationship I had before that. There will never be an answer to why. I’ll never really understand how and why people give love and then take it away. Why they invest so much time and effort into making you feel so special only to let you down in the end. I’ll never fully believe we couldn’t have been fixed but in time, I’ll adjust and be able to see light again. Maybe. I sure hope I do.
I have seen a little flash of light. When I get sad, I just say I deserve better than what he gave me over and over again. When my heart aches, I think of how wonderful my life is going to be someday soon. When I feel lonely, I cherish the warmth and friendship of the others in my life.
I happened upon this quote and it helped me yesterday. I wasn’t feeling especially sad or anything, it just popped up on my FB timeline and spoke to me. I’ll just have to believe in this because it’s easier than dealing with the feelings of loss and pain that I had been feeling.
It’s a struggle but I’m getting by. And eventually, one day, I won’t care why.
